June is over and so is my dating adventure. At least the dates and adventures that I write about. Hopefully there will be second dates. What did I think of the project? Did I learn anything?
For one thing, I learned to not take it personally that a date cancelled. There were a lot of dates that just didn't happen. Three dates cancelled (on the day of the date). Two guys said yes, had a DTR in the interim between saying yes and our date, and therefore cancelled. One guy and I could never get our schedules to coincide. Another guy said yes, then retracted when he heard I'd write about the date afterward. Plus all the unconfirmed dates, where a friend had passed along my info and said I would be contacted but never was. If those seven dates had happened, I would have met the 15 date goal for the month.
At first I was slightly concerned about not reaching the 15. I wanted to reach that number. But then I realized that the number didn't matter. Even if I had had just one date as part of the project, that's still one person I didn't know before. And I had awesome dates! All nine of them! They weren't numbers, they were people I got to know on a one-on-one basis. I enjoyed every one of my dates.
While at times the project was stressful, I never wanted any of my dates
to feel like a number. I worried that they would feel this way, or they
would feel less important because I had a date the next night. However,
first dates are not to decide if we're going to marry each other. It's a
chance to get to know each other better. In reality, we should all be
dating a lot before deciding who we want to be exclusive with. Any of
the guys I went out with could easily have also been going out with another
girl(s). And that's great! We're not going to be compatible with everyone
we go out with, and in the end we're only going to date/marry one
person. Everyone else we should feel lucky to call a friend, or appreciate the time spent together.
From the project, I learned to try to relax on a date. Lots of my dates and I talked about dating, which I would normally never do on a date! He cant' know I'm dating other people! The horrors! But it's not that big of a deal. It was refreshing to just be honest about dating while on the date.
I also learned that guys get nervous for dates, too. It was actually cute. I would worry about what I was wearing and what we'd talk about it. However, the more I stopped worrying about those things the more relaxed I was.
Every guy was so different, from their text messages to what we did on dates to their personalities. I know this isn't exactly groundbreaking news, but for me it was cool to see it up close and personal. There are amazing and cool guys out there in this world! Never pass up an opportunity to get to know someone better.
Huge, massive thanks to my friends and co-workers who were my dating ambassadors. They contacted their friends and asked if they would either go on a date with me, or if they knew of someone who would go on a date with me. They explained the project and were super supportive. When I was bummed because a date cancelled, or just felt like I didn't want to do it anymore (that halfway point was a time of major crisis) they encouraged me to keep going. Tamara provided late night pep talks as I was wondering if it was all worth it.
And it was all worth it.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Tell Me Your Favorite
It's officially done now. All the dates were a lot of fun! I'm glad to have met so many cool guys that I could go on more dates with!
Just for fun, I'm curious who was YOUR favorite? Vote below!
Just for fun, I'm curious who was YOUR favorite? Vote below!
survey tool
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Andrew
Second date in Wichita was with Andrew, the new roommate of my friend's friend. I had originally suggested we check out the Riverwalk, depending on how hot and humid it turned out to be on Saturday. It was raining just before we left, and humid (I can't ever talk about Kansas without mentioning how oppressive I feel the humidity is), so instead we hit up the Wichita Art Museum near downtown.
Museums are cool places to spend an afternoon. Some pieces are really interesting, some are completely amazing, some are a bit odd, and some are so beautiful you want to purchase them. We walked around the entire museum commenting on the pieces we liked and didn't like--turns out we both like our art big and colorful. The museum also has a cool blown glass exhibit right now and the pieces were pretty spectacular.
We were both hungry after the museum, but since neither of us are familiar with Wichita (he just moved here a week ago, I've only been once for a conference) we had to break out our smartphones to find a place. We settled on a hamburger place on 37th called Fizz Burgers and Bottles.
Andrew grew up in Northern Utah, went to Utah State, then went to med school at a school just outside of LA. He's a pediatrician starting his residency at a hospital in Wichita. He is not colorblind, however he failed the inkblot test for the Air Force, so.... He likes soccer (more than baseball), however he only plays recreationally because his parents did not have the foresight to put him in soccer when he was a kid. Instead he was placed in football, and pretty soon everyone was bigger than him. He jokingly said that he had gotten over this.
The burger joint was airing World Cup soccer, and we saw Columbia score twice on Uruguay. I also had one of the most amazing hamburgers ever. Delicious and spicy, it steamed as I took bites out of it. We had sweet potato and regular french fries with a variety of sauces. If you're ever in Wichita you should definitely try this place out.
Andrew is cool (cool is such a generic term, but Andrew isn't generic--I'm just tired). He's nice and polite, at one point offering me his sunglasses because I had forgotten mine and the sun was quite bright. He's funny in a non-overt way, making comments about artwork or seeing a cockamouse. He rolled with whatever happened, even with my lack of communication about what we were doing. He is easy to be around and I enjoyed our afternoon together.
Having two dates in one day is kind of strange, and I admit I was a little stressed about it. Mainly I didn't want either of the guys to "feel like a number". What I love about the project is that I've been able to meet people I probably wouldn't have before, even with having mutual friends.
Sorry no pictures; I had weathered humidity and rain and, well, my hair was flat.
Museums are cool places to spend an afternoon. Some pieces are really interesting, some are completely amazing, some are a bit odd, and some are so beautiful you want to purchase them. We walked around the entire museum commenting on the pieces we liked and didn't like--turns out we both like our art big and colorful. The museum also has a cool blown glass exhibit right now and the pieces were pretty spectacular.
We were both hungry after the museum, but since neither of us are familiar with Wichita (he just moved here a week ago, I've only been once for a conference) we had to break out our smartphones to find a place. We settled on a hamburger place on 37th called Fizz Burgers and Bottles.
Andrew grew up in Northern Utah, went to Utah State, then went to med school at a school just outside of LA. He's a pediatrician starting his residency at a hospital in Wichita. He is not colorblind, however he failed the inkblot test for the Air Force, so.... He likes soccer (more than baseball), however he only plays recreationally because his parents did not have the foresight to put him in soccer when he was a kid. Instead he was placed in football, and pretty soon everyone was bigger than him. He jokingly said that he had gotten over this.
The burger joint was airing World Cup soccer, and we saw Columbia score twice on Uruguay. I also had one of the most amazing hamburgers ever. Delicious and spicy, it steamed as I took bites out of it. We had sweet potato and regular french fries with a variety of sauces. If you're ever in Wichita you should definitely try this place out.
Andrew is cool (cool is such a generic term, but Andrew isn't generic--I'm just tired). He's nice and polite, at one point offering me his sunglasses because I had forgotten mine and the sun was quite bright. He's funny in a non-overt way, making comments about artwork or seeing a cockamouse. He rolled with whatever happened, even with my lack of communication about what we were doing. He is easy to be around and I enjoyed our afternoon together.
Having two dates in one day is kind of strange, and I admit I was a little stressed about it. Mainly I didn't want either of the guys to "feel like a number". What I love about the project is that I've been able to meet people I probably wouldn't have before, even with having mutual friends.
Sorry no pictures; I had weathered humidity and rain and, well, my hair was flat.
Grant
This morning a friend and I traveled down to Wichita for a set of dates. First up was Grant, a special education teacher who is a mad KU sports fan (despite going to Wichita State).
We met at our mutual friends' place and from there went to breakfast at Jimmy's Egg. It was incredibly delicious, as breakfast is the best meal of the day. We had good conversation as I chowed down on biscuits and gravy and hash browns. And yes, I talked about my fat cat named Biscuit; she is awesome and always warrants a mention on any first date. There was talk of movies, our families, our jobs.
From breakfast we headed to Sedgewick County Park, a pretty sweet place. However, it was downcast and rain was threatening. We walked around, me wanting to pet all the dogs we passed. He took me to a playground in the park that was built for special education children. It was by far the coolest playground I have ever been to! With thunder rolling and raindrops falling we left early to not get caught in a downpour.
I always like hearing why people have chosen a specific career path. Grant is in a field that is mostly populated by women. He was going to teach music. One day, however, while working as a para he had a little boy give him a hug and talk with him, and right then he knew he wanted to work with special ed children. He told really great stories of the kids he works with. I got the feeling that he really loves his job and the kids he works with. He makes a difference and that's awesome.
Grant is really easy to talk to and has a quick reply for everything. He is sure of himself and what he's doing. He worked his schedule around when I had gotten the timeframe confused, for which I am very thankful. An easy-going nature is always pleasant to be around.
We met at our mutual friends' place and from there went to breakfast at Jimmy's Egg. It was incredibly delicious, as breakfast is the best meal of the day. We had good conversation as I chowed down on biscuits and gravy and hash browns. And yes, I talked about my fat cat named Biscuit; she is awesome and always warrants a mention on any first date. There was talk of movies, our families, our jobs.
From breakfast we headed to Sedgewick County Park, a pretty sweet place. However, it was downcast and rain was threatening. We walked around, me wanting to pet all the dogs we passed. He took me to a playground in the park that was built for special education children. It was by far the coolest playground I have ever been to! With thunder rolling and raindrops falling we left early to not get caught in a downpour.
I always like hearing why people have chosen a specific career path. Grant is in a field that is mostly populated by women. He was going to teach music. One day, however, while working as a para he had a little boy give him a hug and talk with him, and right then he knew he wanted to work with special ed children. He told really great stories of the kids he works with. I got the feeling that he really loves his job and the kids he works with. He makes a difference and that's awesome.
Grant is really easy to talk to and has a quick reply for everything. He is sure of himself and what he's doing. He worked his schedule around when I had gotten the timeframe confused, for which I am very thankful. An easy-going nature is always pleasant to be around.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Will
A great night of Greek food in Lawrence with Will. Will and I go to church together, but I've never had a chance to get to know him. We've exchanged hellos and a few conversations at after-church activities. However, I wouldn't say I ever really knew him. He's a PhD student studying chemistry at KU. Right now he's doing a lot of research, and hopefully won't have to teach next school year. When he's done with his PhD he's thinking of going to med school.
Will also grew up on a farm, which I think is pretty cool. I think living on farms and doing farm work is very romantic, and has a warm-fuzzy feeling attached to it. He talked of raising cows and the accomplishment and joy you get when you take them to the butcher (I know not everyone appreciates this, but I love hamburgers and am so thankful for cows). However, when I look at Will I would never think "farmer". And he's not really, it's his dad who has the love-affair of living on a farm.Will is pretty busy with school, and says he doesn't go out a lot. As he put it "There's 7 million people on this planet, why should I have to talk with people I don't like." I completely agree, however we both realized that sometimes to be a professional at work you have to be polite to those you don't like.
We chatted about all sorts of things, and it was a nice pleasant evening. We topped off the night with ice cream (because I never turn it down).
What's great is now I can see him at church and feel like I know him.
Will also grew up on a farm, which I think is pretty cool. I think living on farms and doing farm work is very romantic, and has a warm-fuzzy feeling attached to it. He talked of raising cows and the accomplishment and joy you get when you take them to the butcher (I know not everyone appreciates this, but I love hamburgers and am so thankful for cows). However, when I look at Will I would never think "farmer". And he's not really, it's his dad who has the love-affair of living on a farm.Will is pretty busy with school, and says he doesn't go out a lot. As he put it "There's 7 million people on this planet, why should I have to talk with people I don't like." I completely agree, however we both realized that sometimes to be a professional at work you have to be polite to those you don't like.
We chatted about all sorts of things, and it was a nice pleasant evening. We topped off the night with ice cream (because I never turn it down).
What's great is now I can see him at church and feel like I know him.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Nick
My second favorite thing about summertime is movies in the park. I finally discovered where this was happening in Topeka. I knew that at some point I'd want to take a date to one of these. Enter Nick.
Nick lives in Lawrence, having moved there with his family when he was 15. For about three years he was pretty angry about this (who wouldn't be after living in California?!). However, he likes it enough now that he even came back after a short stint in Pittsburgh. Since we were seeing a movie, I asked him what kind of movies he generally likes to watch. He said he doesn't see a lot in the theater, and when he does it's almost always a comic-book movie (his favorite). However, we differed a lot on which comic book movies we like!
One that we did agree on--Captain Ameria: Winter Soldier. The ones we didn't agree on: the new Spiderman movies(he's boycotting them because he liked the originally trilogy and saw no reason to reboot it; I slightly agreed on this point, but still like the first new one); The Dark Knight (I don't dislike it, but I also don't love it). He was also able to pull out a Friends reference, which was pretty darn awesome.
There were a ton of bugs as we sat in the park watching Men in Black 3 (which I surprisingly really liked), but it was awesome anyway. Nick is a cool dude and I'm glad we got the chance to get to know each other better.
Nick lives in Lawrence, having moved there with his family when he was 15. For about three years he was pretty angry about this (who wouldn't be after living in California?!). However, he likes it enough now that he even came back after a short stint in Pittsburgh. Since we were seeing a movie, I asked him what kind of movies he generally likes to watch. He said he doesn't see a lot in the theater, and when he does it's almost always a comic-book movie (his favorite). However, we differed a lot on which comic book movies we like!
One that we did agree on--Captain Ameria: Winter Soldier. The ones we didn't agree on: the new Spiderman movies(he's boycotting them because he liked the originally trilogy and saw no reason to reboot it; I slightly agreed on this point, but still like the first new one); The Dark Knight (I don't dislike it, but I also don't love it). He was also able to pull out a Friends reference, which was pretty darn awesome.
There were a ton of bugs as we sat in the park watching Men in Black 3 (which I surprisingly really liked), but it was awesome anyway. Nick is a cool dude and I'm glad we got the chance to get to know each other better.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Steven
Steven and I have known each other about a year and have hung out in groups before. Tonight that changed. Going on a date with someone who is a friend is different than going out with someone you've never met before. Much of the unknown is taken out of the equation.
He drove to Topeka and we hit up the local Sports Complex for their Friday night deal of Go-Karts, a round of putt-putt and two drinks. We did go-karting first and were the only two on the track. If we had had one more go-around I would've lapped him. Yeah, I'm that fast in a go-kart (really, no skill was involved; I just happened to be in line ahead of him). We then talked as we putt-putted through the 18 holes. We thought since we were already friends that we knew a lot about each other, but it turns out we had never gone through the typical first date questions: family, school, work. Steven is a PhD student at KU in political science (this I did know). When he's done he will have been in school for 13 years. He has a sister who lives in Utah and his parents live in Oklahoma.
After golf we headed to El Centenario for dinner. We were able to talk about things that I don't normally talk about on a first date, because I was already comfortable with Steven from our friendship--dream jobs, dating, past relationships and what we learned, family relationships, our flaws, earning airline miles.
There was a lot less nervousness involved in my date with Steven. But there was still a lot to learn about him that I didn't know from our friendship. Steven is aware of who he is and that's refreshing. He's gotten to a point that he realizes his flaws and tries to be better about them. And that's a really great place to be.
He drove to Topeka and we hit up the local Sports Complex for their Friday night deal of Go-Karts, a round of putt-putt and two drinks. We did go-karting first and were the only two on the track. If we had had one more go-around I would've lapped him. Yeah, I'm that fast in a go-kart (really, no skill was involved; I just happened to be in line ahead of him). We then talked as we putt-putted through the 18 holes. We thought since we were already friends that we knew a lot about each other, but it turns out we had never gone through the typical first date questions: family, school, work. Steven is a PhD student at KU in political science (this I did know). When he's done he will have been in school for 13 years. He has a sister who lives in Utah and his parents live in Oklahoma.
After golf we headed to El Centenario for dinner. We were able to talk about things that I don't normally talk about on a first date, because I was already comfortable with Steven from our friendship--dream jobs, dating, past relationships and what we learned, family relationships, our flaws, earning airline miles.
There was a lot less nervousness involved in my date with Steven. But there was still a lot to learn about him that I didn't know from our friendship. Steven is aware of who he is and that's refreshing. He's gotten to a point that he realizes his flaws and tries to be better about them. And that's a really great place to be.
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